Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Puns for Warped Minds

Hi everyone! I've been busily house-hunting here in the Chico, CA, area instead of blogpost writing (or alas, even writing, period). Therefore you will now be subjected to a punny list from a forward I got in an email a long while back. Enjoy the wonders of the English language…or groan at the corny-ness of these quips.

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whisky-maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
10. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
11. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: "You stay here; I'll go on a head."
12. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
13. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: "Keep off the Grass."
14. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
15. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
16. A backward poet writes inverse.
17. In a democracy it's your vote that counts.  In feudalism it's your count that votes.
18. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
19. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.
20. A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
21. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
22. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says,  "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."
23. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root- canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
24. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

So did you chuckle--or groan--at these puns? Any faves?
What have YOU been doing for the last week?
Has your weather cooled off for fall, or are you living in a place like Chico where it's STILL 88-95 degrees during the day?


  1. I liked #10 :)

    And I wish I lived in sunny California (I used to). I love Maine from May to October but after that I'm ready for warmer temps. Of course, Christmas is nice with I guess I'd just be happy with a California place from January to June. That would work :)

  2. You make me laugh, and that is a hard feat some days! My favorite: Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

  3. Oh, goodness. Too funny! :)

  4. Very funny!

    We still love the old Popsicle stick jokes.

  5. #4 and #22 stood out.

    Especially #22. I remember when my science teacher filled out the multiple choice questions with many different versions of "bonds" (friendship, marriage, James).

  6. oh my gosh, Carol...!!!

    #5 tickles my fancy.

  7. Those are so funny. 4 and 9 are my favorites.

  8. Funny!!!!

    My daughter is planning on doing some positive vandalism for Halloween...She's planning on benching people.

    What is benching, you ask?
    It's when you put a new bench in someone's yard.

    LOL...that's my girl...

  9. This was so fun to read. I love puns.

  10. Most of them made me laugh. Hope you're all settled in.

    Fall began very suddenly yesterday in Central Oregon. Tues was almost 80, yesterday we barely crawled into the 50s. A/C was promplty removed & heaters turned on.

  11. These are great!!
    Wish you good luck on the house hunt!!

    And here in Texas, its still in the 90's most days, but this Sunday our high will be 60 with a low of 49!!!! YAY Im super excited about it!
    Hoping you get some cooler weather soon!!!

  12. Ha, cute :) Good luck with house hunting!!

  13. Nice article, thanks for the information.

  14. Loved these - especially 4, 6, 12, 13, 14, 15, and 16 . . .I laughed all the way through your list! Thank you!

  15. Groaaannn! :)

    Happy house-hunting. Good luck!

  16. These are fun! I chuckled and groaned.

    Good luck house hunting! Wishing you the perfect nest.

  17. Hahahahaha! These are great.

    Have fun house hunting. Don't settle! Get exactly what you want! (I've learned the hard way.)

  18. hahahahahaha!!!!


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